Do you ever just feel so consumed with life and its endlessly sprouting possibilities? I do.
That's been me this past week or so especially, although it's also been me ever since I returned from my trip within Thailand.
I just feel so confused by how each little thing can affect the outcome of my life; every change, switch, and different move can make a different outcome. And that stresses me out lately. Because I feel so lost and consumed in that pit, the black hole-like realm of possibility. I feel afraid to move. Some mornings I stay in bed for at least an hour before I get up because I feel hesitant to make a move that will start the day differently.
I know that the most important goal of life is to have a positive attitude which will then positively affect every piece of our life in the best way possible; that life reflects what we have going on inside. SO when I am feeling hesitant, unsure of myself, and constantly hovering over ideas but not taking the necessary steps, it means that my life will reflect back possibilities that all seem to feel out of reach, out of touch, by just a little; they are just a bit too abstract to feel real, and also too real to feel imaginary. It's a strange midway point between seeing what I dream of reality, but also feeling stuck and not reaching out to grab those dreams and MAKE them my reality. Still feeling, "is this the right thing?" and then never really actually deciding.
It's funny because I have so many dreams; I have so many ideas that I want to push forward and involve myself with; I feel empowered and most myself when I am putting ideas into motion and helping to pursue these passions and goals. But right now, where I stop is with the unclear feeling of what exactly I should be spending my time and energy delving into.
I know for a fact that the Meisner Technique is one thing that I still feel so involved with and feel that it's having an important part of my life right now.
But other than this, where am I stepping up and actually doing what I want? Am I following my path of my dreams, am I listening to my body when it tells me what it wants? I know that when I think of certain ideas and paths, my body will react a certain way; either constricting and possibly pain in my knees or throat, OR with a fully freeing feeling, emotions, excitement, passion, maybe tears in my eyes… And I clearly know which choices, from this, are right for me.
But then the fear comes in saying: what if not now? Like, what if this is meant for me, but I'm not fully prepared? What if it's meant to be delved into later in my life, but not right now?
Then, it is my duty to find what it is that feels best that also feels right now. because I know that it is out there. I've just got to ask myself deep within what it is that I truly want right now, and what step(s) to take in getting this. Because if I feel it in my body as right, then I am getting a response from my own soul that this will feel good to do in life.
Okay, and so now I'll meditate for a bit to get a sense of myself again as I figure out and make a decision for what to do now / in the near future.
I luv you.