This is crazy. The place I've called home for the past few months - a really special place that has held me and softly listened to me and whispered truths inside my bones - is also the place that I am heading out of today.
It feels like such a sweet place, that there is no "right time" to leave. I feel that its energy will move on and live beneath me for some time, although I have some other things to attend to now, so I hope that its spirit can be like the wind beneath my wings in helping me fly.
So, what's now?
I am feeling ready to start something new.
This means continuing on and finishing some projects I still have going on here in the Bay Area... Yet also starting a new page, in a sense.
I'm first going to Virginia with my younger sister, to visit my grandparents at their new cabin in I think somewhat-wilderness... Or at least a beautiful change of pace and scenery. I'm so excited! I hope that I can get all of my work done so I can feel just like new, and like a kid again when I'm there. Not thinking about any responsibilities or cares, just enjoying the breeze of life as it flows and wraps around caressingly.
I'll be turning 21 while I'm there, so my grandma wants to take me out with the family for a day of wine tasting through the green and hilly orchards... Then, I don't know. It's going to be a fun trip though, I do feel! Lots of family, fun, and I feel reconnection and sweet moments with my grandma Sharon especially... and enjoying living and relaxing with my family.
Then, I get back to my family home in Davis, for a short one or two days... Most likely to gear up, get any loose ends finished, get my laundry done and repacked, and then heading off to the next journey, which is....
Road tripping down to Los Angeles with my great friend!
This will be a time of learning, fun, adventure, discovery... And excitement and sharing it with someone who enjoys it as well! Probably stopping along the way in San Francisco, maybe Santa Cruz, San Luis Obispo Santa Barbara... and then maybe Santa Monica/Venice, and Los Angeles for her last day before departure to a new place from LAX. Then I'll have the car and my adventuresome time to myself... And I'm feeling I may turn to the red rocks, wherever those are... Sedona, maybe. Or Mojave desert. Then maybe come through flagstaff to see my best friend there, then back to my old "home" in Arizona and my amazing uncle who lives in that same town, and then on through possibly to see my Great Aunt, then on through California, onto maybe the beach to visit one of my best friends as she settles into her home there, and then back up to my family home yet again....
Then taking a couple of weeks to really renew, revive, sort through things of the past, get rid of what I don't want/need, maybe sell some of my old stuff to someone else who may enjoy it, and "move out" essentially more than I did before from my room. Then a rafting trip late August with my good friends from time's past, then onto something else... Who knows what. I'll hopefully decide by then whether to continue my car insurance, and what's next in some sense. I'll help my mom and sister move into their new place before I head out, and then say goodbye to my dad as well, who I hopefully will have a closer relationship with around this time, through my settling and sorting out old times and opening more to my emotions, circling back to what needs to be said and/or dealt with/through.
Who knows what's next. I do feel Costa Rica calling somewhere inside of me. Each time I wonder what's next I do feel San Francisco for some reason -- the thing keeping me inside and back from that is this wonder if the only reason(s) I want to explore the city are more ego-based rather than purely based in love... Getting creative and exploring my potential, getting fit and working on my body, getting a relationship possibly as well as good circle of friends, maybe getting involved with more community feelings, possibly through yoga or elsewhere. And then from there maybe splitting off to go and travel the world some more.
Maybe my biggest fear in San Francisco is settling back somewhere that is not "out there" but is rather closer to home. Like some feeling in my mind that I have to travel "long and far" and that my journey is farther from where I currently reside. Maybe it will take tenacity to get past some stubbornness in myself, and see that home is wherever I bring myself. Home is also wherever supports and helps my heart shine brightly. Really I would like to be where people feel one in the same in that I feel supported, and a "family" sense of having others around that feel the same way and want the same things as I do: love for ourselves, each other, this planet, everything..; creativity and the will and drive to use it and explore, openly and freely; feeling of equality and no authority or trying to prove or impress upon others - rather a feeling of open equality and acceptance wherever we are in life; having a home within myself, and others that know this and support the same way of living within themselves; the openness for creativity to flow within me and allowing it full potential to flourish and stem out of me, no inhibitions, only accessing and allowing it to be.
I think this time in the city could help me accept my creative abilities and embrace them into life.
And then from there I can use these newly established things in the larger picture of the world, maybe setting off to India, maybe elsewhere.
I just want to make sure that whatever I do is rooted only in love. And that if I have any biases or inhibitions, that I address and move through them now, so that I can continue as aligned with my body, my soul, and everything as I can.
I hope all the love for myself and all. I hope to continue to know, experience and feel that we are all the same, in the best way possible.
I love you and want the best for you. Time to get going. :) and get a move on!